No matter where life takes me, find me with a smile.

The Other Little Girl

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She was young and completely clueless, just a child. And I’m not talking about a naive teenager, I’m talking about a proper little girl – maybe 3 or 4 years old. She knew nothing about the world. She never even understood the true meaning of family, or even friendship – she was a child! She didn’tunderstand them…but she had them. She looked to her left and she saw the other little girl sitting right next to her, completely unaware of the importance of that other little girl. She was both her family and her friend.

Carried out of the pool from their little yellow floats, they were seated side by side. The fake grass tickled against their tiny little butts, but at that moment – the iconic picture was taken. The picture that, to them, was timeless. I think it was called The Galleria. Funny how its nothing but a faded memory now, and yet back then it was where we’d meet. She didn’t understand, but it was familiar, and she understood familiarity.

Fast forward a little to school. Different schools, different surroundings, even different languages! What should have been a barrier was nothing to them. They didn’t even realise it was there. They continued as they were, nothing changed. They could talk now, they could walk now, they could even count to ten now. They were big girls – but nothing changed. Their foundation was getting stronger.

“5 more minutes” she pleads to mum, desperate to finish her game with the other little girl and their barbies. She was forced to return home to bed. It was a school night, and she normally wouldn’t leave home on school nights for anyone, except the other little girl. The next time, it was costumes. The other little girl had all the costumes – every single one you could think of! They played and laughed, every passing second fuelled by imagination. At the other little girls house, the saying “5 more minutes!” was infamous. Funny enough she could never spend the night. Not because she wasn’t allowed…anything goes when it comes to the other little girl; but because despite the fact she had a ‘sister’, she had a mummy, a daddy, and a brother waiting at home.

It used to be The Lodge, until it was HardRock Cafe. Karaoke, every Friday brunch. We had a long table, back then it was all of us. The whole ‘gang’. We took the stage, covered in face paint and after getting over the shy giggles, we sang along to My Heart Will Go On. Sometimes it wasnt The Lodge, it was the pool instead. What shouldve been a normal morning of swimming always ended in staying till the evening hours. You just knew that after swimming the other little girl had to stay. One time we made a tent out of desk chairs, and blankets. It took up the centre of the room, and we put a little lamp inside. Together we played inside, until it was time for the infamous ‘5 more minutes!’.

We started to grow up. Slowly we began to have more homework, and less time for each other. But we didn’t need time. With a bond as strong as ours, every moment would be picked up right where it left off, nothing changed. Halloweens were always spent with the other little girl, it was just where she had to be. Even when she was too old for costumes, she showed up in her Superman T-shirt and they watched a movie and gave candy to the kids.

She made other friends, and so did the other little girl. What used to be every weekend, slowly became monthly visits. They chatted on the phone every now and then, but when they did the call was at least an hour. They were growing up, but deep down they knew nothing could break them. She got a card when she was fifteen with a timeline of their friendship “From this…to this. The taller we get, the longer we’ll be friends for. To many more years of friendship. For as long as we live…if we live that long”.

Suddenly its poof. Its gone. She grew up and so did the other little girl. Things that shouldn’t have mattered, did. Things that shouldn’t have been said, were. Effort that should have been made, wasn’t. Empty words, misunderstandings, tears and anger. She wont accept that its gone, because it was real. And things that are real, don’t just disappear. She needs the other little girl, and she hopes the other little girl needs her too.

You dont understand what she’s saying, but the other little girl does.

Dear Stranger

Dear stranger,

I dont know you, and you don’t know me. But thats okay because you’re not real. You’re someone out there who I’ll never meet, and yet not knowing who you are makes me feel all the more comfortable. I imagine you to be someone who faces the regular unwelcome hardships in life. Something I, your next door neighbour and their dentist also have to face.

Stranger, I find myself scared and I don’t know why. Maybe you have all the answers? Im scared of life and the power it has over me. Im just a pawn in its game of chess and the fact that I can change direction at any time, or even get cancelled out scares me. I don’t feel in control and I don’t like it. I find myself vulnerable and exposed, and yet its MY life. So I ask you, why?

Why is holding on to things you don’t want to let go of so hard? Is it just one of those paradoxes in life, where Im supposed to smile and embrace the irony? Why choose to allow interference when you know something should be left alone? Why does my mind tell me something, and my heart tell me different? Why are the good things in life like hope, love, and joy so hard to be content with? Is it the fact that they’re rare that makes them so special? They’re the good things and I thought I was deserving. Why am I constantly being dragged from one end of the chess board to the other?

Im sick of this endless see-saw. Up and down. Up and down. down. down. down. I want to find balance. The line between good and bad. Is that too much to ask for? Im being weighed down and I hate it. The bad things and hardships and life come to us so easy, despite the fact that they’re completely unwelcome. And yet finding something good is hard enough as it is, not to mention the fact that the good takes longer to solidify and find its place in your heart. Going up requires oomph, and yet coming down happens effortlessly. I feel trapped and betrayed by my own thoughts. The bad has no place in my mind and heart and yet it finds its way there and stays. It hits me stranger, a lot faster and a lot harder.

Lie to me stranger. Tell me its going to be okay. Tell me things will get better. Maybe there is a truth behind every lie?

Remote Control

Life in a box.

Click. You’re awakened and alive.
Put on your mask – and go out to play. 
Start off right where you left off.

Click. Play.
Your journey continues, episodes run their course.
Your story is being told. Living in the present.
Time is unforgiving, no time for second chances.
No you can’t go back – Oh wait.

Click. Rewind.
Back to the start. Comfort. Familiar.
You’re an outsider looking in. Change?
Its intangible. Now immune to you.
An evanescent moment that is no longer yours.
Take one last look. It belongs to the past now.
Move on.

Click. Fast-Forward.
Finally a fresh start. Uncomfortable. Unfamiliar.
Where did it all go? Spotted: a foreigner. 
I know that person. A second glance.
Is that me?
Didn’t you say you wanted change?

Click. Mute.
No judgements. No thoughts.
Peaceful emptiness surrounding you.
Silence has never been so beautiful.
But wait – unknown. No explanations.
No voice. Say something … I Cant!
We are silenced. 

Click. Skip.
Scared? Shut your eyes. 
Next thing you know you’re recovered.
Transported to another channel. Not a clue.
No direction. Whats happening? Hold on -

Click. Pause.
A sense of understanding. Remember this.
It’ll be gone soon. Impatient time.
No such thing as being stuck. 
Reality’s coming for you – 

Will you turn that damned TV off?
Everybody knows if you sit too close, you’ll hurt your eyes.

 

Where is the Love?

Who came up with “if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it at all”? Whoever that person was, was definitely a wise man/woman. I think it was Mary Poppins. Yeah, lets just say it was Mary Poppins.

Take a moment and thinking about how many problems in our lives, the world, that could have been avoided, if people just listened to freaking Mary Poppins.

  • Regina George wouldn’t have been hit by a bus.
  • Children wouldn’t become victims of abuse
  • Gays would be given the freedom of rights.
  • Divorce would go back to being a taboo word.
  • Racism wouldn’t have even existed.
  • Dont even get me started on international wars.

Is it so hard to imagine a world that is so genuine and full of niceties and kindness? Though it is our own words and doings that are causing this corruption, why has it come to this point?

The point where friends who would’ve done anything for each other, don’t even speak anymore. The point where things that never matter to you suddenly do. The point where the wrong things have become important to us. The point where getting drunk on weekends, or coming home in the early hours of the morning is more important than spending time with family.

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People have become influenced by the negativity this world has to offer, and this negativity stems from us and what we put out there. We are basically living in a bubble engulfed by negativity. Im not even sure if what I’m saying makes sense but I promise you it does in my mind.

Ive come to realise that humans are cruel beings. Im pretty sure science will one day discover that we have a 47th chromosome that is responsible for our cruelty. If you ask me, Santa needs to re-evaluate the meaning of nice, because I’m not even sure that exists anymore. Nobody is fully pure, nobody has only good intentions. For a lack of a better phrase: Nobody’s perfect.

We live in a cruel world, that can change. I guess none of us can ever find it in ourselves to truly make that change. Where is the love?

29 Writing Topics

Hey everyone,

So since this blog isn’t always going to be filled with writing from now on; I came across something on http://grammar.about.com/od/developingessays/a/topnarrative07.htm. Basically it is a list of topics/stories that can really tell you a lot about a person and their experiences. As a result, every now and then I’ll be posting about any of these topics in no particular order. See the list below:

  • a memorable wedding or funeral
  • one minute of a football game (or other sporting event)
  • your first day at a new school or college
  • a moment of failure or success
  • an encounter that changed your life
  • an experience that led to renewed faith
  • an embarrassing experience
  • a frightening experience
  • a memorable journey
  • an encounter with someone or something you were afraid of
  • an occasion when you experienced rejection
  • your first visit to the country (or to a large city)
  • the breakup of a friendship
  • a significant misunderstanding
  • a dangerous experience
  • an experience that showed how appearances can be deceiving
  • an account of a difficult decision that you had to make
  • an act of heroism or cowardice
  • a rebellious act
  • a brush with death
  • a trip that you would like to take
  • an account of a visit to a fictional place
  • your first time away from home
  • a day when everything went right (or wrong)
  • an experience that made you laugh until you cried
  • the experience of being lost
  • an important discovery
  • an eyewitness account of an important event
  • an experience that helped you grow up

So I recently came across this new video, on ‘iisuperwomanii’ and its actually so funny to see how relatable it is. This mostly targets teenage/young adult girls, but its still quite funny; so I thought I’d share it!

New Beginnings

It seems like forever since I’ve seen the not-so-familiar dashboard of WordPress. Blogging was something I discovered I had an interest in a long time ago, and its sad to see that I stopped writing for nothing but stupid little excuses. I think I want to come back to writing again. But not for the views, or comments, or likes; but for me. I cant tell you how many times I felt a pang of guilt when I received emails from WordPress regarding comments and likes. Though it requires effort and time, writing really is a positive and healthy place to channel your energy into. So I wont be making empty promises where I promise to write more often, because I’m taking a different approach now. Not everything is going to be about morals and life lessons. Its going to be a little bit personal. I need a fresh start.

And now onto the title: New Beginnings. Let me start of by saying Happy New Year to everyone. To be honest I don’t like that phrase. Why do we say happy. So your counting down to midnight with your closest friends and family, or your getting drunk at a party with random strangers who knows, and suddenly the clock strikes twelve and everyone is thrilled and hugging and laughing and crying. And why? Because the year is over and you have a fresh start. Because you said goodbye to the shitty times of that year that are now behind you. So why is it we wish each other Happy New Year, every single year, when we subconsciously know that the year ahead of us is going to be filled with just as many downs. I’m normally an optimist, and though I do know that ups exist as well, I find myself being let down this year. It hasn’t even been three months of 2013 and this is what I’ve learned:

  • I learned that the people you care about the most, can be the ones who can so easily break your heart.
  • I learned that everything you think you know about a person can be a lie.
  • I learned that those closest to you don’t even know when you’re hurting.
  • I learned that people fight. People fight a lot. Over the stupidest reasons (I know stupidest isn’t a word but thats just to show how stupid they are).
  • I learned that if you keep things inside and compromise every single time, its going to resurface and hurt twice as much.
  • I learned that people are selfish, and will only think about themselves.
  • I learned that even if you do make an effort, there is no guarantee it will be reciprocated no matter what promises you make.
  • I learned that sometimes its time to let people go. Though they may have been one of the most important people in your lives once upon a time, things change, people change and you need to move on. Drop the rock, because maybe one day you’ll pick up a diamond.
  • I learned that the only person who can really take care of you is yourself.

2013 so far has been full of let downs. Though my academic year so far has been the best of my life, some of the change has really put me down. I know people always say that change is good. But what people forget is that its hard to cope with. Im not emotionally unstable or depressed, but you know what I am? I’m exhausted. Exhausted of keeping things in and always compromising. Exhausted of ‘being the bigger person’ and letting things go. So today I’m taking a break of being of keeping things in, and letting it all out.

I’m going to let go, and cut the chords of the things and people Im trying so hard to keep. If it was meant to be, it would be. But if you have to try so hard, and keep having to deal with disappointments in order to keep something alive, then its not real. It could have been once upon a time, but its not anymore is it?

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