New Beginnings

It seems like forever since I’ve seen the not-so-familiar dashboard of WordPress. Blogging was something I discovered I had an interest in a long time ago, and its sad to see that I stopped writing for nothing but stupid little excuses. I think I want to come back to writing again. But not for the views, or comments, or likes; but for me. I cant tell you how many times I felt a pang of guilt when I received emails from WordPress regarding comments and likes. Though it requires effort and time, writing really is a positive and healthy place to channel your energy into. So I wont be making empty promises where I promise to write more often, because I’m taking a different approach now. Not everything is going to be about morals and life lessons. Its going to be a little bit personal. I need a fresh start.

And now onto the title: New Beginnings. Let me start of by saying Happy New Year to everyone. To be honest I don’t like that phrase. Why do we say happy. So your counting down to midnight with your closest friends and family, or your getting drunk at a party with random strangers who knows, and suddenly the clock strikes twelve and everyone is thrilled and hugging and laughing and crying. And why? Because the year is over and you have a fresh start. Because you said goodbye to the shitty times of that year that are now behind you. So why is it we wish each other Happy New Year, every single year, when we subconsciously know that the year ahead of us is going to be filled with just as many downs. I’m normally an optimist, and though I do know that ups exist as well, I find myself being let down this year. It hasn’t even been three months of 2013 and this is what I’ve learned:

• I learned that the people you care about the most, can be the ones who can so easily break your heart.
• I learned that everything you think you know about a person can be a lie.
• I learned that those closest to you don’t even know when you’re hurting.
• I learned that people fight. People fight a lot. Over the stupidest reasons (I know stupidest isn’t a word but thats just to show how stupid they are).
• I learned that if you keep things inside and compromise every single time, its going to resurface and hurt twice as much.
• I learned that people are selfish, and will only think about themselves.
• I learned that even if you do make an effort, there is no guarantee it will be reciprocated no matter what promises you make.
• I learned that sometimes its time to let people go. Though they may have been one of the most important people in your lives once upon a time, things change, people change and you need to move on. Drop the rock, because maybe one day you’ll pick up a diamond.
• I learned that the only person who can really take care of you is yourself.

2013 so far has been full of let downs. Though my academic year so far has been the best of my life, some of the change has really put me down. I know people always say that change is good. But what people forget is that its hard to cope with. Im not emotionally unstable or depressed, but you know what I am? I’m exhausted. Exhausted of keeping things in and always compromising. Exhausted of ‘being the bigger person’ and letting things go. So today I’m taking a break of being of keeping things in, and letting it all out.

I’m going to let go, and cut the chords of the things and people Im trying so hard to keep. If it was meant to be, it would be. But if you have to try so hard, and keep having to deal with disappointments in order to keep something alive, then its not real. It could have been once upon a time, but its not anymore is it?